Being Mrs C

When multitasking goes wrong

When this tweet arrived in my stream last week I was absolutely delighted. I've been wanting to go to BritMumsLive! this year for a variety of reasons and as a huge Bigjigs fan, and recently appointed Play Patrol Agent, was thrilled that they had agreed to sponsor me to attend.

DELIGHTED to confirm @sussexmummy & @beingmrsc as our brand ambassadors at #BritMumsLive2013 ! :-) *woop woop* #PlayPatrol

— Bigjigs® Toys (@bigjigstoys) May 1, 2013

Last week was a bit of a busy week though. As well as the usual children to look after and organise there were also some other things happening and a house-guest for the week. I thought I was keeping on top of things rather well. I thought I was managing to juggle all the home and work demands placed on me and get everything done. That was until this morning.

This morning I checked my email on my phone and saw an email from the hotel chain that I'd booked to stay with whilst at BritMums. Nothing unusually there - once they've got hold of your email address they usually try to tempt you to stay with them regularly by a variety of special offers. The subject line of this email made me freze though. 

"Let us know what you thought of your stay"

Those nine little words made me suddenly realise I'd made a big mistake. A costly mistake. Rather than booking a hotel room for the night of the conference, I'd instead managed to book one for that night. The night on which I'd made the booking. The night that I spent in my own bed completely oblivious to the fact that somewhere in central London was a hotel room waiting for me. That I'd paid for.

I'm sure it's really an easy mistake to make. I could try and blame their website, but to be honest it was probably all my fault. I was probably just trying to do too many things at once and not giving any of them the level of attention that they deserved or needed.

I'm just annoyed with myself. Frustrated that I slipped up. I used to be a project manager running huge projects for other people. I used to be good at juggling loads of things at once whilst still paying attention to all the details and making sure things didn't go wrong.  

I was looking forward to a night away - the first without children that didn't involve a hospital stay. I was looking forward to being able to concentrate on the conference I was attending and to network and spend time with my blogging friends rather than rushing to catch a late train home.

Still, all my own fault so now to try and put it right. To try and find enough work to cover the cost of another hotel room. That'll teach me to rush things. Maybe women aren't as good at multi-tasking as I once though!

Disclaimer: Bigjigs have kindly agreed to sponsor me to attend the BritMums Live! conference, but I can't exactly ask them to pay for a hotel room for the wrong night!

EDITED to add... As a follow up to this story, those lovely people at Travelodge (as it was them that I was planning to stay with) have come to my rescue and I'm now all sorted for a room on the correct date. Many many thanks to them for going the extra mile when it comes to customer service.

When Turkeys are Profitable...

I am a housewife. There, I've said it. It may not be a sexy title, but it's what I do. I'm a wife who stays at home and looks after the children and runs the home whilst my husband goes out to work. It's not something I feel forced to do because of my gender, but it's the job that I am currently doing and it's something that women (and some men) have done for years.

Women (and in the past there have been many more women than men) have been running homes for years and there's no doubt that we're doing as wide a range of things now as ever. Some of the role has changed due to advances in technology and household chores is one particular example - where there used to be a set "washing day" which involved a huge amount of physical labour that has now been replaced by the washing machine running most days. Whilst some things have got easier over time, other aspects of life have become more difficult. Mums at home used to have bigger local support networks as family would often be living in the same street and they could help with childcare and also provide company whilst husbands were out at work. With people moving away from their home towns to either study or work it's now quite rare that this is the case.

One thing that has remained the same for many housewives is the desire to bring in some extra income to either help with household expenses or to put towards something special. With the current economic situation more and more stay at home parents (both mums and dads) are looking for new ways to bring that bit of extra income home. A couple of years ago I wrote about my Nan's old Housewife's Handy Book and I thought it about time to revisit it and see what it had to say about this.

There's a whole section devoted to home money making, but I fear that not many of the tips it gives are that applicable in the modern world. With subsection headings including "when turkeys are profitable" and "selling silkworms' eggs" it's quite obvious how things have changed since the 1930s when this was published. The opening sentence of the section sounds quite comedic now:

When considering the broad subject of profitable spare-time hobbies one turns first and foremost almost instinctively to domestic livestock.

So, where am I going with this? 

Before having children I was a career woman with a nicely paid job in central London. Three years later it still feels a bit strange that I no longer have my own independent income and I can't help but have a bit of a fear that if something were to happen to Mr C, his job or the company he works for I would need to find a way to earn an income again. It's a fear that many stay at home parents probably have. As suggested by the Housewife's Handy Book my thoughts turned to which of my hobbies I could turn into something profitable and in the modern day blogging is a hobby that can earn stay a home parents a bit of extra money.

It's not a role that new bloggers can just walk straight into, but after years of blogging here at Being Mrs C I do have an internet footprint that is worth something to brands - whether that be through reviewing products or hosting sponsored posts. With two children to support and in these uncertain economic times I would be crazy not to take these opportunities when they come. It's not what I set up this blog to do originally, but when I started blogging it was before I had children and I had no idea that bloggers worked with brands. My life has moved on since then though and supporting my family is part of being me and hence part of Being Mrs C.

Reading sponsored or featured posts may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I can promise you that everything published here is written by me and is completely honest. It is only fair to make it clear though that if a post is titled as "featured" then I have received compensation for writing it. Sorry if you don't like it, but it is just what Being Mrs C is like right now.

What sort of parent are you?

I'm not sure I know the anwser to this question at all.

In life parents seem to come in all different shapes and sizes. There are the people who read all the books as soon as they get the little + symbol on the pregnancy test and always seems to be one step ahead of everyone else in terms of knowing what development steps come next and what the latest thinking is on how to take care of every challenging behaviour that your child presents you with. At the other end of the spectrum are the people who don't read a single book but just know what to do, and their children appear to be completely in sync with them, never putting a foot wrong. In the middle you have every possible combination.

Until a couple of months ago I just kind of got on with things and didn't really think much about it. I read a couple of books when Little Miss C was a little baby (after all I had time to read then) but I'd just made up how to deal with tantrums and other things since then. The strategy was working quite well, but now with two of them to look after things weren't going quite so smoothly. 

Most weeks I pop along to a lovely little baby and toddler group and rhyme time that is run by my local Children's Centre. It's just a perfect group - not too many people, but a mix of children of all ages and a couple of dad's who attend too (wonderful for a balanced view on things). The two women who run it are great - calm yet enthusiastic, leaders but also laid back. After one particularly challenging morning with LMC I went along to this group and happened to ask one of them if they had any advice on dealing with tantrums as everything I was trying was falling on deaf ears. Luckily I was pointed towards a four week course they run called the Family Toolkit.

The Family Toolkit is four two-hour workshops which look to equip you with a series of skills that you can use within your family to try to enhance family life. The four main building blocks of what we covered were self-awareness & self-esteem, appropriate expectations, empathy and positive discipline. At first I was sceptical, but to be honest they won me over in the first role-play that we did. Maybe I was just wrong not to give any of this much thought before, but talking to others on the course I'm realising I wasn't the only one, so I hope sharing some of what I learnt also helps others.

The role-play which suddenly made me see things differently was one all about listening. In pairs one person sits down and starts to tell the second person all about their day. The second person however remains standing and ignores everything the first person is telling them. Whilst I'm used to the feeling of not being listened to the whole difference in height was really quite enlightening. Even knowing that this was an exercise, a couple of minutes of trying to tell someone something when they were not maintaining any eye contact at all, and the height difference, made me feel really frustrated and like everything I had to say was pointless. Suddenly I understood how Little Miss C must feel on some oaccasions.

Overall the course really made me see so many scenarios differently. There were some things that I can't see working of us, but the balance was very much towards useful hints and techniques. Admittedly there are no magic answers at all, but I do feel much better equipped now to try and keep things at home calm and harmonious. Putting it all into practice is a different matter.

One of the things I found most useful during the course was taking two hours out every week to think about how I parent. Being away from the kids and having this to focus on (rather than a million and one jobs that need doing at home) was quite cathartic. Towards the end of the course we also covered why creating time for yourself as a parent is so important. Just five minutes of peace and quiet with a cup of tea can really recharge your batteries, especially when you're looking after children on your own for a long stint. I'm sure I'm not the only stay at home parent who is jealouse of their other half at work and how they can go to the loo without a full commentary or drink a cup of tea without having to change dirty nappies in the middle of it. Talking to other parents was also incredibly helpful. On so many occassions one person in the room would talk about a challenge they were having, and someone else would suddenly say "oh I had similar and this is what worked for us". It was almost like therapy and I took so many notes whilst there that I have referred to several times since.

Since finishing the course I have to admit that I've found myself going back to some of my old ways and as a result things aren't as good as they were immediately after it. I found it so useful though that I have now signed up for a ten week version which I hope will help me more and in particular enable me to get my head around how to ensure that I stick by what I learn rather than going off track again.

I've also started reading around a few more blogs and websites to read about other's experiences and suggestions and a couple of parenting books have also made it to my to-be-read pile. I also read the book French Children Don't Throw Food - admittedly not everyone's cup of tea, but an interesting and at times thought provoking read, which will get its own blog post very soon.

So, how do you parent and what have you found has helped you in your parenting journey?

Little Miss C standing for election?

Local Council elections take place on Thursday 2 May this year and not only have party political leaflets been dropping through my door, but the local branch of the Lib Dems have also been rather busy on local streets getting residents to put up signs encouraging others to vote for their local candidate. I'm not sure if it's because the other parties haven't made an effort yet, or if everyone round here is planning to vote Lib Dem, but at present they're the only ones I've seen and with the orange colout they do seem to stand out well, especially on a slightly dreary day like today.

When I walk Little Miss C home from nursery it's often a great opportunity to chat to her about a million and one different things. I love this time with her as I never know quite what we're going to end up talking about. The walk is always a slow one as she stops every few steps to make some observation or another. Today she couldn't help but notice these signs and as expected she asked what they were. 

I explained that they were put up to encourage people how to vote in the elections that we were soon to have. She thought about this for a while, with one of those puzzled experssions on her face that many toddlers have when trying to get their head round a new concept. Her response when it came was one of those things that make me love my little girl more and more every day.

        "Mummy - why don't they just vote for me in the elections?"

Oh if only they could! A toddler sitting on the local council would certainly shake things up. I'd see motions put forward to make chocolate a mandatory part of all school dinners, campains for extended opening hours for the local splash park and the city centre pavements being re-designated so that scooters take priority over pedestrians. Let the toddlers loose on Government and I'm pretty sure things would change. After all most toddlers I know make very good use of the NHS so I can't see any of them killing it off.

LMC's ideas about a career in politics quickly passed though and before I knew it I was busy having to explain why birds sometimes have poos on walls and why the mummy birds don't come along with a scrubbing brush to clean it all up. Still, I'm pretty sure she'd be getting my vote if she did stand.

Challenging...

I think that's the most politically correct word to use for today, especially when today followed the weekend we've just had.

This last weekend has been a particularly emotional and tiring one. We picked LMC up from nursery early on Friday and drove north to my Mum's house, before heading further north on Saturday to scatter my Dad's ashes on the North Yorkshire Moors. After weeks of cold windy weather we were lucky to see the Moors in their full sunlit glory and it really did feel like a very fitting final resting place for my Dad. He loved the Moors and many family memories are up there. In a way it seems wrong to say that Saturday was a nice day, but in a way it was. It was nice to go back to the Moors, to relive some old memories and to be there with my family. There was obviously great sadness at what we were there to do, but closure also.

So as not to subject the children to a whole weekend of sitting in the back of the car we all spent Saturday afternoon at the Ryedale Folk Museum in the picturesque village of Hutton Le Hole. Again this is somewhere that we had previously been to as a family, but my last visit was actually as part of my Gold Duke of Edinburgh's Expedition. Plenty has changed there since then, but there were still some parts that we all remembered very clearly. It was a lovely afternoon and LMC in particular really enjoyed running around and exploring the various shops and house that they have on the site.

A weekend of travelling combined with Master C having a bit of a cold and LMC being in "one of those awkward phases" meant that neither child slept at all well on either night that we were away, and as a result neither did we. I really don't function well with little sleep and I don't think the kids do either, regardless of LMC constantly insisting that she wasn't tired when it came to bed time!

When we got home last night I was so looking forward to a lazy evening and a bit of planning for the week ahead before an early night. Fate had other ideas though. Just after 9pm I was walking through the kitchen and suddenly noticed that my feet were wet. Even in a sleep deprived state I was pretty damn sure that wasn't normal. Alas the washing machine had decided (post a filter being cleaned on it earlier in the evening) to deposit all the water that it was taking in to fill the drum on our kitchen floor instead. Being an old house the floor isn't exactly level, but I was somewhat staggered to find that in places it was nearly an inch deep!

By 11 o'clock last night all plans of an early night had completely vanished. Instead every towel we owned was soaking wet after helping to mop up the kitchen and both our tempers were pretty frayed. (As an aside I did find a new use for the tuff spot - an excellent dumping place for soaking wet towels) Luckily Mr C seems to have worked his magic and fixed the washing machine so I could today try to get back in control of my laundry mountain, but that's about all I have succeeded in doing today.

After yet another poor night's sleep - far too late to bed and then LMC waking us up at 2am as her duvet was on the wrong way round! - I was praying to the Earl Grey gods this morning to help get me through the day. The kids seemed to have other ideas though...

After a weekend of lots of family attention LMC was far from impressed at just having me and her brother for company today. As a result everything that I asked her to do today was met with a firm no. Even getting her dressed turned into a bit of a battle and all the wonderful new techniques that I've recently learnt on a parenting course (which I will tell you all about very soon!) seemed to have no effect. Combine that with a just crawling baby who suddenly wants to be touching and playing with everything he can and you have a bit of a recipe for disaster.

By the end of the day my nerves were in shreds and I was left feeling like I'd failed today's parenting challenges. I know this is all just a phase, but when you're stuck in the middle of it and trying to convince one child to eat their dinner, whilst also trying to convince their sibling not to hit them it can be difficult to see the bigger picture with any clarity. Tomorrow's another day though and one that I hope I'll be a bit more prepared for - emotionally and physically.

There has been one high point today though - news that Little Miss C's first job application has been successful - we've been accepted as Bigjigs Play Patrol Agents! I'm seriously chuffed about this. I've wanted to work with Bigjigs since I first came across the company a couple of years ago and I'm really excited about doing so. Seeing as the newly mobile Master C tried to take over his sister's Bigjigs train set this morning the timing couldn't be better.

Now off to recharge my parenting batteries with a glass of wine...

Weston Park Cancer Charity

In a way it's hard to believe that it's nearly 6 months since my Dad died. Six months in which Master C has grown and changed from a small baby into a little boy with a personality all of his own. A little boy that sadly my Dad will never know. Luckily he did get to find out that he had a grandson before he died, and to meet him a handful of times, but Master C was only two and a half weeks old when he died and sadly he will have no memories of his Grandpa.

There's so much that I wish my Dad could have seen in these last six months. The little boy that's developing into a cheeky chap that I know he would have loved. Little Miss C being the devoted big sister that we always imagined she would be. Every day one of them does or says something that I just wish I could tell my Dad all about.

As I said at the time, he was in a way lucky. Thanks to Weston Park Hospital in Sheffield he lived for much longer after his initial diagnosis than anyone expected. He was able to see my sister get married, to see Little Miss C develop from a baby into a wonderful little girl, and to know that he had a second grandchild on the way. When I found out that I was pregnant for the second time I realised that there was a real chance that he might not get to meet the baby that I was carrying, but he did just manage to do so. For all these things I am so grateful.

I feel a bit useless in terms of what I can do to thank Weston Park for everything that they did for my Dad and our family. I'm not exactly made as a marathon runner and with the kids being so young I'm struggling to take on much other fund-raising work right now (although I promise that I will soon). When I heard about Direct Debit running their 100 good causes campaign I was in no doubt about the charity that I wanted to nominate. 

From March until June Direct Debit are planning to give away £5,000 a month and it is votes from the public that decide how the money is divided up. The good cause with the most votes each month will receive £2,000, the runner up £1,000 and the remaining £2,000 will be divided equally amongst the runners up (20 for this month). I nominated Weston Park as one of March's charities and there's now just a week of voting left to try to get into one of the top positions. 

For those of you that don't know, Weston Park Hospital in Sheffield is one of only four dedicated cancer hospitals in England. The Weston Park Hospital Cancer Charity supports the hospital by funding pioneering cancer research and helping to improve cancer treatments and care for patients from Sheffield, all of South Yorkshire, North Nottinghamshire and North Derbyshire.

Please, please, please vote here for Weston Park Cancer Charity to help them to receive money from this campaign. Money like this could help them to help other families and to hopefully enable other patients to be able to share precious moments like this that they may otherwise miss. Thank you.

I miss you Dad. x

Two little lovebirds

Started for Valentines Day, distracted en-route, but finished in time for our wedding anniversary. That's the tale of the above bit of cross-stitch. I happened across the pattern in an email from The Making Spot and fell in love with it as soon as I saw it. There are actually four patterns in the series -these birds, squirells, elephants and penguins - and all are adorable. I'm pretty sure it took me more than the 9 hours they say to sew though - but then their estimations probably didn't account for looking after two children whilst doing so. The last stitch of backstitch was done just as Mr C put his key in the lock having been out to collect my anniversary present the night before the big day. Nothing like cutting it fine! It still needs to be pressed, mounted and framed, but I'm hoping to get that done as quickly as possible.

For our wedding anniversary itself Mr C took the day off work and we went into London with Master C  to go to the Ideal Home Show at Earl's Court. It was lovely to have a day out together (even though the show wasn't as good as we were hoping) and we made sure that we had a mini-celebration in one of the champane bars whilst there. A small reminder of drinking champagne in various places around the world on honeymoon, although the third drink on the table certainly wasn't there five years ago!

The resolution to end all resolutions

These past few days so many bloggers have been busy writing about their plans for 2013 and detailing their resolutions for the new year. Reading all these posts got me thinking about what my resolutions and plans for the new year should be and that's where I came a bit unstuck.

There's certainly plenty that I want to achieve this year and I do have some personal goals, but it got me wondering as to why people make resolutions on 1 January and just how successful they are. Yes it is the start of a new calendar year and after the excesses of the Christmas period many people feel that it is a good opportunity to try to start living healthier lives. There's a lot of pressure seems to be associated with keeping new year's resolutions though. Pressure which appears a bit disproportionate when you consider that it's just another day. 

My new year's eve was spent with Mr C, Little Miss C and Master C as guests of Daddacool and his lovely wife and children. Only an hour or so before we headed over to their house I'd followed a link on twitter to this post that Daddacool had written in lieu of a review of the year. He's spot on (as he normally is). Whilst it's nice to remember what has happened in the past calendar year (and for us 2012 has been very eventful - both good and bad) doing so is not going to change anything. I'm also acutely aware that it's easily possible to spend so much time talking about what you're going to do that you never actually have time to do it.

I want to remember what happens in our lives and that's one reason why I blog, so I can keep track of things as they happen. I also don't want to drift aimlessly through life so I do have some plans for things that I want to do personally and that I'd like us to do as a family. There are things in life that I want to do better, but I'm sure that's the case for everyone.

With two small children to look after it's not always possible to do everything that you want to do though and this is where I think you can end up coming unstuck. Does it really matter? Is anyone else going to judge you as to whether you kept your resolutions or not? As long as you're true to yourself and try to be the best that you can in everything you do, surely that's all that is really important.

That leads me to my one resolution for the year 2013. I want to make this the year in which I give everything I do 110%. I don't really mind how successful I am, but I want to be able to hold my head up high at the end of the year (and on all the 365 days inbetween) and congratulate myself on doing everything to the best of my ability. Whether that is being a wife and mum, being a member of my local community or being a blogger, as well as everything inbetween.

I don't want to be sat here in 12 months time with another list of things that I should and shouldn't do, so I'm not just making this a new year's resolution for 2013. Instead it's going to be my resolution from here on for the rest of my life. None of us know how long we've got here and so I'm determined to make the most of every single day. And I intend to have as much fun as possible whilst I do so.

And while I'm at it - marking one of the family's first acheivements of the year - LMC has declared that it's time to move into a "big girl bed" even if we did find her fast asleep in the middle of her bedroom floor half way through the night!

The Christmas that was...

It's been very quiet here on the blog over the last week or so. We've had a full house this Christmas and I've struggled to find time to blog inbetween entertaining guests, generally running the house, feeding Master C (almost constantly some days) and helping Little Miss C enjoy Christmas.

The box that our delicious Christmas Cake from Heaven is a Cupcake came in

Things have been very different this year from all the previous Christmas Days that Mr C and I have spent together. This was the first year that we spent the day in our own home, but also the first year without my dad. My mum came down to stay with us for a week over Christmas and my sister and her husband also stayed for a weekend so that we could all celebrate together. In the three and a half years that we've lived here it was the most guests we've had staying in the house and having so many people to stay and for meals means that we also finally got to use some of the serving bowls that we were bought as wedding presents nearly five years ago!

Old fashioned Christmas Pudding box design from Bettys

For Little Miss C this was the first Christmas that she actually "understood" something about. She easily grasped the concept of counting down with her advent calendar, and also the idea that come Christmas Day itself she might be lucky enough for Father Christmas to have bought some presents for her and her brother. For her one of the highlights in the build up to the big day was making regular visits to a local house that goes more than a bit mad with lights.

Luckily they are very welcoming to children running all over their driveway and each year they collect hundreds for charity from all the visitors. Pretty much everyone in St Albans has heard of this house's lights and you can't help but smile as you drive past. A visit with a toddler really helps you to get in to the festive spirit that's for sure!

Master C is obviously too young to follow what was happening, but there being lots of pretty lights to look at, more people around to entertain him and fuss over him helped him to get in the party spirit.

Father Christmas obviously decided that Little Miss C had been a good girl and she was incredibly lucky when it came to gifts, both from us and from other friends and family. As is always the way though with small children, one of the boxes did seem to prove incredibly entertaining for a good while on Christmas Day.

The word I'd most use to sum up this Christmas is "different". It's been a week or so very unlike previous years. It was a different group of us that gathered round the table for Christmas dinner this year - no Dad, but Master C sat there in his bouncy chair beaming with delight - and that's something that's still taking some getting used to. Watching LMC's enthusiasm for it all though made it hard not to raise a smile, and I'm sure that's what my Dad would have wanted too. 

There's been plenty of family time and combined with lots of good food and drink that's made it a special Christmas in its own way. Tears of both sorrow and laughter in equal measure. Life changes and we need to make the best of what we have, which is what I hope we have done this year. Wherever you are Dad I'm raising a glass and wishing you a Happy Christmas.

How?

When you have a toddler people always ask if they've reached the "why stage" yet. All toddlers are inquisitive and learning how to question things is a natural development step for them. As a result they all seem to go through a period where they have the need to ask "why" with reference to everything they see and do.

People had warned me about the why stage and I had even started to mentally prepare myself for the why questions that I might get. But, being a bit different as always, Little Miss C instead seems to be asking "how"!

It all started one morning she asked "Mummy, how do my toy cars get made little?" Just saying that they are made that way didn't seem to cut the mustard. It's now progressed to asking how her baby brother makes noises, how he smiles and how he dirties his nappy. I began to feel like I was living inside one of those episodes of How It's Made or similar that you can always find on a TV channel like Quest.

The questions have got harder and harder and the supplementary questions that she now comes out with are really testing me. The walk home from nursery the other evening went something like this...

LMC: Mummy, how does it get dark?

Mrs C: Well, the sun goes down so the sky gets dark.

LMC: How does the sun go down.

Mrs C: It moves down in the sky.

LMC: How?

Mrs C: (changing tack slightly) The sun goes to bed.

LMC: How does it go to bed?

Mrs C: (regretting this direction...) It closes its eyes.

LMC: Does the sun have a face then?

Mrs C: Errrr - yes.

LMC: Where do the clouds go when it is dark?

Mrs C: They're still up there, you just can't see them very well as it's dark.

LMC: Do the clouds have faces too?

Mrs C: (mumbling slightly at this stage) Errrr - yes...

LMC: Are their eyes open or closed in the dark?

Mrs C: (now trying to change the subject...) Look, you can see the moon up there!

LMC: How does the moon have a face too? Can the moon see the sun? Can it see in the dark?

Mrs C: Errr... What do you think?

I'm starting to feel really thick these days. Out-questioned by a two year old!